Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize