i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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