Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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