Too much gin, very little bucket
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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