my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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