if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
