3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
