I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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