...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
where are my pants?
in the oven.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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