Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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