last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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