i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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