Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize