You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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