Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
