My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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