Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
