U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
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