i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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