i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
