Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
