i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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