Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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