It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
