She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
