never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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