I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
