I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
