Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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