real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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