best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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