i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
