Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
