I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
