Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
