are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
