i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
