I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just had sex bonerless
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
