i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
