drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
