I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You left your phone here
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