I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
