There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
