So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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