I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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