What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
