You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i love accidental penises.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
