I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
