you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
