Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
