Define "chronic" masturbator.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
