Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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