I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
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