Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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