So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
