You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize