somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
