I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm really busy with my period
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