My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
