last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Randomize
