How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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