i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
