I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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