he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize