Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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