I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
