need another drink. this is the easiest way
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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