I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
