well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I got inside last night via doggy door
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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