What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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