dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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