I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
