Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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