please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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