Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
