uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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