I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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