Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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