I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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