i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
