Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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