lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
