Where is the hickey?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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