remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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