Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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