I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
