Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize