In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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