Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
