Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize