Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
