Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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