You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
