well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
