"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
