If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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