turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
