You made me cry and you don't even care
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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