ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How does one acquire holy water?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
