Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
