Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
