I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
