Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
