I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
