Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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