dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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