oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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