I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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