If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i would punch a child for taco bell
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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