I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
