I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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