I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
