she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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