wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
