I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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